SEFAKOR…

Hi, my name is Wendy, I am 26 and I am excited to be here. That would have been my pretentious introduction to a stranger, but if you are reading this, you are no stranger and you already know that about me. So here goes the real deal.

Hi my name is Wendy and I found myself in the darkest place you could ever imagine the last couple of weeks. Something significant changed in my life and my whole life was upended, nary my efforts were able to thrust me back into reality. The first couple of days when it started, I thought I was just in my head. Give it a couple of days, I kept telling myself and by the time I could blink again, I almost committed.

So here is the thing, I had a plan, after I came out of the hospital. Eat my favorite meal and lay down, forever or so I thought, because what even was I made for. My plan did not work because I have not been able to go outside my house in 4 days, barely been out of bed and barely a morsel of food in 2 weeks. I am a literal shadow of myself. You’d think how quickly things can change just a few days after coming back from Ghana. Ghana was a bucket list item.

While in this period of nothingness, desperation set in, a desperation that would watch me fight for something that already slipped out of my hands while I was busy fighting for my life. How dare me be at my wits end and ruin the things that mattered to me the most. Self-sabotage was the order of day, everyday while I fell into this really deep state of depression. Words felt really bitter in my mouth and the I need you(s) turned into I am okay, I do not need help when in reality, I did need you, every single one of you. While it is shameful to admit I pushed someone away in the hope of protecting them, I saw you and I heard you.

A few people saw me in pieces and I wish I could say their name out loud, however I have not sought their permission at the time of writing this. SO;

You were the quiet miracle in my life, the ones who saw me in pieces and never asked me to be whole before loving me, stayed not because it was easy but you saw my struggles and it was real, you saw me for me and held the space for me, waiting for me to pull through.

You saved my life in many ways you never fully understand. Thank you for showing up when I hit rock bottom, having the uncomfortable conversations with me and seeing me when I could not even see myself. The check-in texts, the calls, the playlists, the books, booking flights and the quiet company. You did not try to “fix” me but stood by me while I tried to find my way back to myself. Your care carried me through a very painful period I did not see myself surviving.

I am not in the clear yet, some days will be harder than others. But I am here and a huge reason for that is YOU.

This may not wholly convey my gratitude. In this life or the next, I carry you with me. In jokes no one else would get. In songs that feel like home. In the certainty that I am never alone in this world.

With all my heart.